They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
