It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
