it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
