I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
time to smoke my breakfast
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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