Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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