What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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