i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
