he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
