You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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