i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
