Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
