it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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