you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
