Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
