lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
