New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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