I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
