tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
