If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
