I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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