I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize