So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
