my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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