if i can run in heels then i can drive
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
