So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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