dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
