you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
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