Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
