we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
