After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize