Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I didn't notice because vodka
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
