She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
