Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
