And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
