And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
