One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
