why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
