I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
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