Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Damn victory sex feels great
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
