in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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