I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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