just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
