ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
