nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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