just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
