I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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