I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
