Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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