He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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