I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
