dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
