Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
