Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize