Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize