i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
