Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
