he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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