The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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