I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
