we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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