i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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