I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
