last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
