haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
