I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize