my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I am midnight drunk by noon
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
