sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
time to smoke my breakfast
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
