My nipple is on Facebook.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
